Wednesday, March 10, 2004

 

Look at me! I have archives! I have a really cool older sister. She's the best!

Claud 1:04 AM 

Saturday, March 06, 2004

 

drama. gotta love it.


I've never really had to "end" a friendship. I'm not good at confrontation. And as much as I have begun to dislike the person you have become, I know YOU are in there somewhere. I am still your friend, but honestly, I don't know how much more I can take.

It's sad that you're going through this, and I really don't want to say this, but you could have avoided so much of this. You may think she is a bitch for finally saying what needed to be said, but you need to hear it. Whether you choose to listen is another story. I applaud her for having the guts to do what I could not. Perhaps yes, the timing was not the best, but she could not take it any more. And unfortunately, I am coming close to that as well. As much as I want to help you get out of this hole you've gotten into, I cannot deal with it if you're not going to help yourself even a little. Pardon me for being selfish, but I'm still in pain myself. The difference here is I didn't have a lot of say in my situation - you have some control in yours, if you would just take it. That may have sounded insensitive to you, but you have said some pretty insensitive things lately, too. I don't want to see you go down in flames. I want to help, but you push us away, tell us we don't understand, and don't try to help us understand. I'm tired of feeling guilty for things I shouldn't feel guilty about.

I may be crazy, but I always want the people around me to get along, to be happy. It's impossible, I know. It's just sad, though.

I know I'm a coward for just typing this out into the cyber-world instead of actually saying it. Especially since you're not likely to read it. But I'm just not brave enough or strong enough. That or I'm just afraid of what I would say or even do in the heat of the moment if I was ever to say these things to you face to face.

Claud 2:36 PM 

Friday, March 05, 2004

 

My computer needs good vibes!

Please send some good vibes towards my computer! It started making some funky noises this week. I'm a little concerned. Dan says that it might be the motherboard fan or the power supply fan going to poop. Either one sounds yucky to me, although he says the motherboard fan is the lesser of two evils. I'm too poor to have to buy a new computer! I'm already over 70 grand in debt! Argh, there it goes again...

Claud 6:45 PM 

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

 

Ten on Tuesday...and musings

Here's my 10 on Tuesday... in no particular order... mind you, there may have been more trips, I just can't remember them all right now...

Ten All-Time Favorite Vacations

- Family trip Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada, May 2002 (sorry Fata, wish you were there) - God bless that exchange rate.
- Band Trip to Orlando, FL, 1992
- Sisterfriends take over Gay Days in Orlando, 2001
- Family trip to the Philippines
- Las Vegas with Dan
- Myrtle Beach with the family
- San Jose, CA for my cousin's wedding
- Kansas City with Dan
- Family trips that started in Cincinnati but ended up all over the Eastern half of the US
- Family trip to Palos Verdes Estates, California over Christmas

Our family took lots of trips when we were younger. I'm glad we did it, because I have lots of good memories. Happy thoughts... It's a good thing this was today's list, because I needed some happy thoughts today. Been kinda blah lately, can't pinpoint exactly what it is. There's a lot going on around me. And then sometimes I just think too much, it's like there's so much noise in my head that I can't focus on what I need to be focusing on. And then it builds... and builds... I just don't want to collapse under the weight. I'm trying not to. Keep on swimming, right?

Claud 7:15 PM